Lincolns Black Homoeopathy Page


Most people will have heard of ordinary homoeopathy, whereby a quantity of something harmful can, by suitable dilution, be used to obtain the opposite effect. Obviously this effect is normally used for medicinal purposes.


Having arranged funding, by requesting a substantial sum (undisclosed for commercial reasons) from the council, to prevent a major scurvy outbreak (we will, on receipt, immediately refrain from adding 3 drops of Vitamin C to the reservoir feeding the Isle of Wight), we are now in a position to offer the following products:


Black Bull – energy drink

A dilution of Zopiclone tablets, which send you to sleep & give an unpleasant aftertaste in the morning – this pleasant drink will keep you awake, and result in a delicious aftertaste. Black Bull gives you Zings!


Nohypnol - sedative

Suitable for judicious use, this dilution of caffeine & sugar will produce a very rapid drowsiness & loss of energy, with the added virtue of being undetectable to any known forensic analysis technique! Obviously it should only be used responsibly, and Wight Ferret cannot be help responsible for any misuse of this product.


Knockout

This is a preparation of our popular Black Bull energy drink, which having been suitably re-diluted will send you to sleep like a dream! No after effects or nasty chemicals!


Ferretmones

Fed up with being stalked? One drop of this dilution of oyster juice applied behind the left ear with get rid of that unwanted attention. Cunning we have reversed the normal production method, using an unbelievably small amount of water in the preparation of this product, as we find this enhances efficacy. An added advantage is that you can bask in the knowledge that all waste products (ie oysters) are disposed of in a totally green manner.


Stoppage - Fuel Enhancer

This is a special mix, developed in Lincoln's own laboratory (the rat cage), of 1 part brake lining in 1023 parts petrol – just add 1ml per mile & see if your fuel consumption plummets! Not suitable for diesel engines.


Other Services


Voodoo Acupuncture

Just submit a photo of the afflicted portion of your anatomy, plus a full body photo (unclothed for the best effect), along with your payment of only £59.99 and Lincoln will personally apply his sharp claw to the correct area and the flow of Chi along the ley-lines by means of the ancient practice of Voodoo will result in immediate relief. You don't even have to attend in person!


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